whatever | bluenolove's Blog

I've been watching dexter again and think i have a dark passenger too. i think of killing too but they are only thoughts for me. it's still twisted. but my dark passenger is suicide and the times i think about it it's beautiful and I'm so happy. perhaps suicide is glamorised in my brain. in any case i realised for me it's about freedom. not being constrained to this earth like everyone else. which is why i guess i like the idea.
things are actually going ok for me. i am depressed at times still. but i have a job and looking else another even though my current one isn't bad. i have two. beautiful babies my pugs and still my very overweight fiancee who suffers cramps migraines and all kinds of aches and just keeps gaining weight. there's still me the shy and socially undeveloped girl. but now have found my sister is also having issues. she's like me although keeps it all inside a lot more and hasn't been pushed as much so she is still jobless and socially awkward too. I'm not perfect but perhaps i should be doing more to help. feel awful about it.